Initial Conditions

I remember when I was in Prep School (age 11-12) that the other boys would often ridicule me because I hadn’t seen any films rated 18 (and also 15, but that’s not relevant to the point I’m trying to make here).  This was largely because I went to bed at a reasonable hour, there was no way on earth my parents would take me to see one at the cinema, and at the time we had one TV in the house, so there was no chance of me watching one without my parents finding out (and, if I’m honest there weren’t any I particularly wanted to see). Clearly, this ridicule was part of the Alpha male behaviour one can usually find in pubescent boys at posh schools. But I digress.

I’m in my mid-twenties now and I’ve only seen two 18-rated films in the cinema (because of  lack of interest and the relative rarity of them these days): the first was Wanted two years ago which I only saw because there wasn’t much else, and the other is Quentin Tarantino’s mis-spelt World War II film Inglourious Bar Stewerds (I’m not one to use naughty language. Well not on the internet anyway).

There are two strands two the story: one is of a Jewish girl in France who seeks revenge on the Nazis (particularly the vile Hans Landa) for killing her family, and the other is of a group of soldiers (the titular Bar Stewerds led by Brad Pitt), most of whom are Jews (apart from a psycopathic German defector) who also seek revenge. And a lot of people die on the way, very violently. But this is Tarantino we’re talking about, and he’s not one to skimp on the blood. Or the historical accuracy (but of course, that’s not the point. Don’t go and see it if you want a history lesson). Or brevity. It’s a bit long, but that’s not to say it’s boring: the talky bits take the heat off the violence (although they usually end in it). If you do find it boring, you can keep yourself entertained by watching without reading the subtitles and working out what is being said in French/ German/ Italian. Or admire Brad Pitt’s moustache or wait for the exciting dénouement.

Anyway, as films go, it’s alright, I enjoyed it but I don’t think it’s worth waiting to turn 18 for.

Not much to say really, some guys get drunk in Vegas on a stag do, lose the stag and spend the remainder of the film trying to find him. It’s very funny though, and highlights the dangers of having a stag do two days before your wedding. Mike Tyson has a pretty funny cameo too.

First Transformers and now this- Hollywood’s fad of making films out of 80’s toy franchises and cartoons continues unabated [edit: apparently GI Joe predates the 80's, but it was most definitely a cartoon in that decade] and to be honest, they’re all pretty much the same.

The plot (if you look hard enough) is that the bad guys (led by Christopher Eccleston whose accent sounds like Noel Gallagher doing a bad impression of Billy Connolly) have made some biological weapons and want to launch them at (surprise, surprise) Washington and Moscow to Eccleston to become ruler of the world, and the good guys (the GI Joes) have to try and stop them. There are a couple of pretty tedious back stories thrown in too, but the main point of the film is that things get blown up. A lot. There are many, many similarities with Team America World Police, most of which, I presume are unintentional.

If you’ve seen the trailer you’ll know that one (rather large) thing in particular gets blown up (in fact, 90% of the film is things getting blown up). This isn’t a problem in itself, except an extended section of the movie revolves around them trying to stop the aforementioned happening. Of course, you know what’s going to happen so all that feels a bit wasted, pleasant as it is to watch curious movie geography in action.

It’s definitely better than Terminator Salvation and Transformers for me, but at the same time, it’s not very good. It’s quite funny in places, though probably not intentionally (one particular bit where somebody has to speak “celtic” is highly unintentionally amusing). It’s been set up for a sequel now too, so we’ve more of this to look forward to. Yay.

I hope this ’80s revival doesn’t last much longer, or else we’ll have Polly Pocket, Thundercats, M.A.S.K. (though no-one other than me seems to remember this) and My Little Pony movies as all of these things would be terrible.