You know those moments when you say something so incredibly dumb and time stands completely still and you just want the ground to swallow you up?

I might be on course for a PhD, but to be honest it might as well stand for Phantastically Dumb the way I feel just now. I owe someone a massive apology… [Sorry for the rant, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. This isn't the apology of which I speak by the way]

So today is St Andrew’s day and I’ve been asked to write a blog post about something Scotland related. Of course, I could write about how strange it is that Scotland’s patron saint be one of Jesus’ disciples who is unlikely to have ever visited the country and was crucified on a Saltire in Greece, or that it’s good that eye tests are free of charge, but I think it’s worth covering what makes Scotland the fine nation that it is. And that is its people.

Most Presbyterian Ulstermen like myself were descended from 16th and 17th century planters who were asked politely (or probably forced) by the monarchy to settle down in Ireland to convert the locals and inspire more loyalty towards whichever monarch happened to be on the throne at the time. The majority of these planters were Scottish and as such the histories of Scotland and Ulster have become inexorably linked. Hence, for me, it’s quite easy to feel “at home” in the home of my ancestors (though I should say that I do have a bit of English blood, but that’s for another time; unlike some, I’m not one to disregard my heritage, but it’s Scotland’s day I’m talking about!).

Scottish people are great. They must be, for I know many people who eschew any other nationality they may lay claim to in order to claim Scottishness (which, sometimes, is quite funny). But why? Is it the banter? The outlook on life? A sense of romanticism about being a distinct people from a larger neighbour? Probably all of these things, but whatever it is, it must be good.

The banter is great. In Northern Ireland you get banter that kind of relies on a history of conflict, but here it’s a lot more good-natured. Granted, if you’re going to talk about the Old Firm (or the England football team), you might get a bit of this, but generally it’s not bad at all.

Then there’s the obsession with ceilidh dancing. If you’re a protestant in Northern Ireland the closest you’ll get to a traditional dance might be a Boys’ Brigade parade (not meaning to generalize.. but still), but here, if there’s any hint of an occasion, fundraiser, wedding or birthday, a caller (for all the foreigners you see) and a band are the first thing anyone looks for. Ceilidhs are fun, but its certainly good that men in kilts don’t do the “basket” dance, and it’s always fun to notice that two girls are perfectly happy dancing together, but you’ll never see two boys doing the Gay Gordons. Can’t think why.

Of course, Scots do have their flaws (as do we Ulstermen) but on the whole, it’s a great place to live.

[apologies for the abrupt ending, I kind of ran out of time..]

Blue: Jonny Foreigner cheating
Orange: Bad refereeing
Yellow: Overpaid players don’t care about playing for England
Light green: Ashley Cole
Purple: Player who makes defensive error
Light blue: England’s Brave John Terry
Dark Green: Bad tactics from Fabio Capello
Lime Green: England beaten fair and square by a better team (no scapegoat)

[of course it might be that none of these apply and England win the thing. Fair play to them if they do.]

Blue: Narcissism

Orange: Teachers talking about being on holiday

Yellow: Anchorman quotes

Green: Pranks caused by people leaving themselves logged in on someone else’s laptop

Brown: Stuff I actually want to know!

[ please be aware this is just a joke and I actually (mostly) enjoy facebook status updates!]

Hello,

I’ve been awfully busy lately, so haven’t had a chance to update this blog or Unpsorting Conduct very much. Sorry about that! I’ve just been spending lots of time on my work, and with that, church and small group, I barely have time to think, let alone breathe! I think I might have to restrict posting to weekends…

I just wrote my season preview on Unsporting Conduct, so go there for something a bit more substantial.

Thanks!

My friend Elena has started a new blog, the main subject of which will be science and cooking.

Find it at http://myhbar.wordpress.com, or click “myhbar” on the right. Extra points if you get the pun in the title..

Ok folks, I’m really sorry I didn’t explain the last post properly, or at all really.

What had happened was that I’d just finished watching Match of the Day and suddenly found myself thinking a whole lot of things that weren’t related to the football.

I was going to write a different post, so I had wordpress open, and just decided I would write whatever I was thinking about. What resulted was what you read- effectively a stream of consciousness linking about five or six things I was thinking at the time together. 

To make it more simple, I was getting frustrated by my lack of articulation when it comes to serious issues (covered in the first two paragraphs). I then moved on to express my disappointment at an area in my life I’m struggling with, and the last two statements are directed at two different specific people- the first seeking advice (somewhat rhetorically), and the second to someone I felt I’d wronged recently, who’s probably not going to read it.

I was in a kind of strange mood because that day everything was a bit weird and certain things happened that made me think about mistakes I was making, and somehow thought that  this would be therapeutic. The jury’s still out on that. 

Meantime, thanks for your concern. I’ll make a point of marking clearly any such posts in the future!

Hello,

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, things have been kind of busy. I’ve been through a lot this last week. If I told you everything, I don’t think you’d believe me! 

But I’ve been doing some thinking and thought that maybe it’s time for a change. Would anyone miss the subtle blend of wit, cynicism and humour that’s made Initial Conditions so popular over the year(s)? What if I posted less regularly, but with stuff that actually mattered? I haven’t told anyone yet why I named this blog Initial Conditions. I guess it’s never come up. 

What does actually matter? Anything? Sometimes it feels like that. Forgive me for venting, but it’s at times like this that it feels as if Sisyphus had a better deal than me, but at least he had the satisfaction of getting his rock to the top of the hill, even if he knew it was going to roll down again. Urgh. No you’re right, I’m over-reacting. Worse things happen. Like what? Doing the right thing comes naturally to so many people. If you know the secret, please teach me.

I’ve let you down. I’m sorry.

Things are a bit busy for me at the minute, so I’m suspending regular blogging features for a while.

Customers should be aware that Initial Conditions still offers excellent value for money, and the decreases in blogging are in line with inflation.

My apologies.

In the meantime, you are welcome to have a look round in my previous posts, or look in my old blog, which can be found here.

Thank you!

It’s very good, go see it, if you don’t mind them taking liberties with established history.