Initial Conditions

I have lots of draft posts that I never get round to finishing or that I feel just aren’t good enough to be released in the public domain.

I’m not especially confident in myself that I can carry off some of the things I write about properly (and hence that’s why the vast majority of my posts are light-hearted), and hence a lot of my stuff gets left on the shelf to gather dust. I was going through them today and here’s a few highlights:

- a rant about people using a certain noun as a verb

- a nostalgic post about the town I used to live in

- a rant about gossip (which I pulled because I realised I was guilty too and it would have seemed highly hypocritical)

- various “woe-is-me” posts about crushes I had or just when I wasn’t feeling great

- a review of some books I had read, which had some of the worst spelling and grammar I’d ever written (I think I was ill when I wrote it)

- various complaints about tutoring (which I can’t put up or else I’ll “lose my privileges”)

- a ham-fisted, vaguely philosophical approach to mathematics

- a massive rant about the film Four Christmases which I removed because I found it impossible not to swear

- a discussion on what car I wanted when I passed my driving test (written before my first driving test.. twenty months ago)

- a moan about the Labour government (you see, I do a lot of complaining in private)

- a plea to the people of Northern Ireland not to return to the bad old days

- a post on the virtues of certain webcomics

- a post on relationships (of which I only wrote two lines before I realised I was supposed to be working)

- one of those “answer the questions” sort of posts that I found really tedious and didn’t want to subject the world to

- a review of my flatmate’s band’s gig. It was a good gig, but I don’t feel that my review did it justice

- a post describing how I ended up at the church I go to

You’ll realise that’s a lot, but I’ve accrued that over a couple of years. I might put some of these up in the future if I have the inclination to finish them or if time has rendered some of the rants amusing, or if you request any (but I have the right to refuse).

To leave you, here’s a quote from the start of the Four Christmases rant, as I think it’s quite funny:

You cannot understand how bad this film is unless you see it. But seeing it is not something I recommend to anyone who enjoys the cinema. This is such a vile piece of sentimental, unfunny, badly conceived, awful, vomit-inducing, self-indulgent tripe, that none of these words actually does justice to how grossly horrific it is. This is Vince Vaughn’s anti-Dodgeball. This is Reese Witherspoon’s anti-Walk the Line. You’ve got an Oscar for [crying out loud]! How could you do this to yourself? [....] I’m never watching another film without reading a review again.

1. I started playing rFactor again recently (it’s a racing simulator, and is thoroughly recommended), but I read the back of the box and noticed that a) the blurb on the back is written in Comic Sans (why??) and b) there’s a big red sticker on it that says

THE FUTURE OF RACESIMS

and, yes, I had to read that twice too.

2. I was at a wedding on the West coast yesterday, and everything was brilliant apart from us having one too many people for two cars (in order to get to a pub between times) and the fact that it seems to be midge breeding season. They were everywhere, and since it was really hot inside the reception venue, the choice was to be dry-roasted or eaten alive.

My arm here says it all

My left arm the morning after the wedding

Next time I go Westside I’ll pack the insect repellent. If it helps..

I took these photos at midnight on June 23rd/24th last year, because this year the weather wasn’t conducive to good photos. I just thought it was cool that the sun was visible in the North at this time of night (albeit aided by the hour for British Summer Time).

So yeah this is pretty cool, if you are from somewhere too far south to get midnight light, be very jealous! Or laugh at us if you’re in Norway.

A friend directed me to this on twitter- it’s a LEGO rubik’s cube solver. Not only does it solve Rubik’s cubes, but its also very polite (not to mention very expensive…)!

While I’m away here’s something for you to debate about: I came to the following realisation the other week, do you agree? Here it is stated Mathematically:

Conjecture 1.1: The only two flavours of crisp that actually taste like what they claim to taste like are Ready Salted and Salt and Vinegar.

I’m willing to hear your counter-examples, since I haven’t sampled every flavour!

Sorry for the philosophy-sounding title, because this post isn’t going to be.

I thought I’d share with you some of the more amusing search engine terms that have led people to read my blog (which information wordpress kindly provides for us).

The first is nonsensical and is perhaps evidence that search engine terms need not make much sense, or indeed be typed properly!

The second is perhaps indicative of a bit of stalker-ishness, and confuses me because my flatmates aren’t all that interesting. (Jokes!)

The third may worry one of the regular readers of this blog (and I have no idea how this led to it, as I don’t think “snogging” is a word I use on a regular basis!)Finally, somebody seems to have spotted a serious flaw in my personality:

Maybe your blog search results know you better than you know yourself!

Do you have any funny ones?

[However, I assure you I am not a racist.]

EDIT: The following entries were also searched for:

I now know who did these searches, but I was worried for a while. Oh well, mystery solved…

This is more for myself than it is for you, so I actually remember to write them, but I have a few “serious” posts up my sleeve (something I have been lacking in). Some of the topics I hope to write about are “health” (sorry to be so vague about this, I mean something else, but I don’t really want to say what at this points), Sundays, why I go to the church I go to, and how I ended up doing a PhD in Maths.

But please don’t rush me!

I found myself in another strange dilemma regarding items with slogans on them. Regular readers/ stalkers may recall that I once had a dilemma in BHS which went thus:

Is it okay to buy socks that say “World’s Greatest Dad” on them for yourself if they are the cheapest ones there?

Clearly, a Dad would not be wasting his, or anyone else’s, time by considering such a frivolity. However, I am a 24-year old bachelor and have much time to waste, and my decision was that it was not okay to do so, as such socks must be earned (by at least the bare minimum criterion that one is a father) and definitely not bought for oneself. Reluctantly, I bought some slightly more expensive Homer Simpson themed socks instead.

But lo, my troubles in this regard were not to end, as tonight, I was making some hot chocolate and to my horror, all the normal mugs were in the dishwasher. Remaining were but three. One we gave Dad when he turned 50, another that said “Mum” and another that said “Dad”.

I’m not eligible to drink from any of these!

I mused. I pondered the consequences of drinking from such mugs before the right time (thus making “Mum” an ineligible option), and wondered what Jesus would do.

Well, Jesus probably isn’t self conscious about whatever vessels He drinks out of, I realised. So I reached up and got the “50″ one. I couldn’t help but justify it to myself though, so I looked at it and noticed it didn’t say “years”, so I happily pretended it meant “months”. I earned that a long time ago.

But what would you do in such a situation?

EDIT: You may be wondering why I went all the way to BHS to buy socks. Because I certainly am.

I was inspired by/stole this from someone I know only as brunettekoala.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags: Has to be wrapping paper, though I have used newspaper in the past…

2. Real tree or Artificial? We don’t have one in the flat. My parents have an artificial one and all following questions relate to there.

3. When do you put up the tree? First Saturday in December.

4. When do you take the tree down? When Mum feels like it.

5. Do you like eggnog? No it’s horrible!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Powermaster Optimus Prime. Which I broke on day 1.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Mum

8. Easiest person to buy for? My bros always tell me exactly what they want!

9. Do you have a nativity scene? I can’t remember. Possibly.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither. I’m sounding like something of a Scrooge!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A harmonica which remains untouched to this day.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I don’t really like Christmas movies. Probably Home Alone.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Early December

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Ham. Mmmmm

16. Lights on the tree? Whatever keeps the family happy.

17. Favorite Christmas song? This song is called “The Stowaway” and featured in last year’s Doctor Who special

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Return to Ulster.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? No.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have an angel which looks a bit too happy that it has a tree up its bum.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Has to be after church on Christmas morning. It used to be, when we grew up, that we had to stand outside the lounge and wait for dad to set up the video camera so he could record us coming in and opening our presents. There was one year we had to look at the camera and thank X for the presents as we opened them, and there’s still footage of us being “coerced” when we forgot to do so.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Noddy Holder. Surely Slade have other, better, less annoying songs? Play those instead!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? You what?

24. Favorite place for Christmas dinner? The dining room table.

25. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays? Merry Christmas of course!